You know the pet stores you see in Japan? With the really adorable kittens and puppies in the disturbingly cramped and unsanitary looking enclosures? Have you ever wanted to hold those tiny yet cripplingly expensive kitties in your arms, but been cruelly rebuffed by the shop attendants? Well, I have a hot tip for you.
Go with a Japanese person. That’s all it’ll take to guarantee that the attendants will think you’re serious about purchasing a pet, and subsequently take the kitty out of its cage and deposit it straight into your arms. You’ll be able to spend a few minutes petting and cuddling the cat, marveling at how it’s the cutest lil baby in the world with its stubby legs and perfect ears and tail and whiskers.
At this point, you may run into the issue of the shop attendant trying really hard to bully you into actually buying this cat. You don’t want to buy this cat. You can’t afford to buy this cat. You just wanted to hold it because it was cute. But the attendant is trying really hard to sell you on this purebred munchkin kitten, and he’s trapped you in his clutches – you’re still holding the cat, so it’s not like you can make a speedy escape.
So my second tip to you is this: you need to bring a Japanese person who’s really good at lying. The shop attendant will naturally trust them more and latch onto them more than you, the filthy foreigner, so it will be up to your Japanese companion to get you out of this mess. They’ll need to make up a reason for you to leave (“We have a lunch reservation in five minutes!” will suffice) but if the shop attendant is really pushy, they’ll ask you to come back for a follow-up appointment. So your Japanese friend will have to lie about their name, email address, and phone number as well.
You may waste up to forty minutes in the pet store like this. But it will have been worth it, because you got to pet the cutest lil kitten in the entire world.