BALLS: Trump’s Asian Tour

By Victor Schultz

This issue, please enjoy a some short, humorous notes on Trump’s visit to various Asian nations.His tour started in Japan, ostensibly to meet with Prime Minister Abe, but he was really here to meet media darling Piko Taro. (No, really) Fun fact, Piko hails from Aomori Prefecture and his real name is Kazuhito Kosaka. Donald Trump’s real name is likely just Donald Trump.

  1. The meeting with Mr. Abe went well. They avoided the 19-sec handshake that haunted the reports of their last meeting, and fed some fish. It was a great time, and Abe dumped out his fish food box early just because they were having too much fun together.

    “YEET” ~Mr. Abe, probably

  2. The president next traveled to South Korea, where under the crosshairs of North Korean artillery and untested ballistics, he maintained a tactical Twitter silence. Which was broken as soon as Kim Jung-un called him old again.  Then he Tweeted that he just wants to be friends, and would never call Mr. Kim “short and fat”, which is equivalent to me saying I would never use the word ‘fuck’ in an article because it might offend people.
  3.  Trump also visited China where he laid so much charm on President Xi Jinping that some people almost definitely didn’t forget that a cornerstone of “America First” is the belief that China is gouging the American Economy with bad trade deals. Trump didn’t bring that up during his visit, at least not in any official discussions. He did bring up a video of his granddaughter singing in Mandarin. It was pretty cute.

    “Hey, do you have Twitter? We should follow each other during recess.”

  4. Finally, after initially saying he didn’t want to go, Trump was convinced to attend a very important conference of East Asian Powers. Unfortunately, whatever good or bad choices he makes there are likely going to be overshadowed by the news cycle in his own country, which is marveling over that fact that gun violence is a thing that doesn’t go away if you just ignore it.

3 thoughts on “BALLS: Trump’s Asian Tour

  1. Pingback: November, Volume 2 | Good Morning Aomori

  2. Some thoughts on this article for you:
    -I don’t think Mr. Abe would say something like yeet. It isn’t English and it isn’t Japanese but if you were there I believe you I just am a little doubtful. But don’t panic I do believe you!
    -Why aren’t there more? Anser: There are.
    -My last question and comment is about the last part about recess. Donald Trump seems like he’s not in school anymore so I don’t think he has recess. Again, if you were there, I believe you but it seems a bit fished to me.

    • – Actually, the origins of the word “yeet” can be traced back to the Waring States period of Japan and the rise of the Tokugawa shogunate. Historians say that one of the battle cries samurai would use during battle was「ユウー」which has transformed through the years to the modern day [イエート]. As for how it became a popular slang word in America, the word “yeet” was kept in the original English dub of Neon Genesis Evangelion, because they thought it was a neat battle cry that Shinji did every time he battled in the Angel. From there, the word “yeet” spread through American pop-culture to become the phenomena it is today.

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